This Weekend going to be hard

Hey readers today's post is going to be a hard one for me it very personal and could be triggering for some with lost of a family member and dealing with grief. Before you start worrying No one has died since April/ march of this year so it not something that is a recent grief added they are very old ones at this point.  Tomorrow will Mark the 6th year since of the death of my grandma and this year I almost made it where I wasn't reminded of that event I know it going to be a harder day then normal hopefully it s day of distractions and I'm able to just not think about what happen that day six years ago, but it not a promise I've been known to break down when for anyone looking in from the outside would be for no reason at all, and I myself down know why I'm crying until someone ask and I have to think about it. Now any one knows me knows July a bittersweet month for me 21 years ago I lost my uncle in July and a lot of family friends and family this month but my grandma's death was the hardest she was the person I was the closest to. Also had to personally deal with everything afterwards, I think maybe going though with what happen the days before and the day of as well as afterwards may help in understanding where I'm coming from so I guess story time.

At the time I work for a factory that around the fourth that week we get off unless you sign up to work. we get paid for the time off  as long as we are there the day before and after unless schedule off or we are told not to come in for lack of work. so During this week Myself, my grandma and my husband went to Florida and the Original idea was to go to Disney I just wanted to go to Disney I didn't want to visit family I just wanted 4 days in Disney and that it, but grandma kept changing   plans as well as my dad did. So the trip was kind of a nightmare we barely got back in time for my husband to get a few hours of sleep before he went to work. So few weeks goes by and My grandma gets sick and I mean she saying she hurting all over her body and there are day she still in bed when I get up at this time I was working second shift so she got up normally around 6/ 7 in the morning and I got up around 10 a.m. to noon so I could eat wake up a bit and get ready for work. it got to a point where I had to call another family member to take her to the hospital. Now I went to work as they head there I just ask if they let me know what was going on. I let my boss know and I was checking my phone off and on until my first break and I had to call her to see what was going on and all I get is an I'm alive. I was pissed at her for that. So a couple of days later Friday I got to work and after the start up meeting I'm getting ready to do what I have to start up my machine and my boss come up to me and ask if i can stay a couple of hours I say okay go about my day let my husband know I'll be a little late for hour date I forget to let my grandma know I'll be later then normal. My husband comes over and wait for me and talks to my grandma and let her know what up and he told me she sounded weird talking about going to  the doctor and anyone who knew her knew she avoid doctors. So i get home we go out get some food go to Walmart come home and hang up until like 4 a.m. I didn't have to work we both had the weekend off all good I go to bed and side note around this time is when we first got Katniss and she was in my room because every time she was out at the same time with sugar she would chase sugar around the house and they would fight. With that said back to the story I got to bed then 7.30 a.m. I get woken up by my husband that my grandma laying on her bed strangely that my aunt as gotten him and when he open my bed room door Katniss had shot out of the room and I groggy told him to get the cat while i got dressed. I went in to her room and try to wake her up she wasn't moving i looked at him thinking if she fine and i call an ambulance i was going to get my ass chewed out so he called 911 and i went out of the room both him and my aunt try to hug me i could stand still i couldn't be touched i just was shut down. we went to the hospital and on my way i called my dad and my cousin my dad because it was his mom and my cousin because knew she be there for me. My aunt had already called my grandma other sister. When we got there they took us back to a small room and i remember my husband looking at me and saying maybe she okay. I just looked away and shock my head and said it wasn't okay I just knew in my gut she was gone. the doctor came and told me she was gone and then the rest of the family came i called my dad and another aunt and told them and the rest is just a blur really I was running on little sleep no food no nothing thankfully my husband was driving I wasn't in my right mind that day. After wards we had to wait for a service for her for  little bit , but the Monday after I went to work and was antsy i need to tell my boss and tell him what was up everyone where I worked knew what was up with my home life and knew my grandma had been sick I went back to my department a few minutes before we could clock in and told him what was going on he walked up with me to the office and help set up sometime off and everything I told my co workers and everything and left that day and came home and just sorted stuff. That week i barely slept at all and my boss kept asking my husband if i was okay and if i need more time kind of driving him up the wall. but yeah I kind of was brif at the end i'm try not to cry thinking about it and this post is a long one. I hope you have a wonderful day sorry for the sad post but that life and read and watch what you love.