what happend in march

 well this month had a lot going on 

week one was lots and lots of rain and me getting sick again yay ( not really) ms to be just a sinus infection for now since it been raining we been close up in the house until the weekend where since i was sick hubby took bubby grocery shopping we finally got everything but food for bubby party as well Saturday was a park day and lunch outing and car nap for bubby Sunday was another day of walks out side and as much as we could get outside.

this past week was a lot of finding time to go bubby outside and making sure i had everything for his birthday party. the party happened and that boy had so much fun a few things we had to take away from his so he'll open up his gifts then his birthday were we spent a lot of time outside and playing with his new toys and watching bluey 

well week three was chaos but over the weekend bubby went to his grandparent and my husband and i went for a hike and out to breakfast we also updates the bathroom shower head which lead to update storage in the shower along with planted more plants got the bell peppers planted and got dirt for the raised bed now to get the raised beds 

well this past week has been cold and wet so lots of inside time but the good days was a lot of outside time over the weekend we got the raised flower beds and i got them put together but now we need more dirt trying to figure out what to do with my front flower beds now sure as of now want try to help put the raised beds together he starting to want to help out more around the house a bit like grabbing clothes and bring them to me to put in the wash or to fold after they been in the dryer 

with that said this month was bitter sweet seeing my boy turning two and the weather being all over the place here to warmer weather and fun times outside in april 

bubby turn 2

 how is this boy turning two today. it been a wild two years for sure with sleepless night yes there are nights he wakes Again how is he two already but he not my little boy you can just look at him and see that he so tall now i noticed the other day he can look out the windows just by going on his tip toes like when did that happen? He still babbling but getting more and more words out been reading to him almost everyday. he runs, bounce and sneak around the house everyday. i didn't release until the other day he almost tall enough to look out the windows as of now he just has to go on his tip toes. he wild at times but he can be the sweetest little boy at times he'll run up to you full speed arms wide and gives you the biggest hug he likes to act bashful around strangers and try to act like he wasn't just having a full on melt down.  I never know what i'll get when i wake up but he makes my day every day when he with his grandparents idk what i would do with my time. He going through a pinching biting phase i'm surprise i'm not cover in bruises from his little butt he got his daddy once and the man had nerve to compline to me like dude i deal with this every day. Even with that he my little sour patch kid because for no reason but that he sees us he'll run full force in to us and give us the biggest hugs and he'll come up to me and give this biggest kiss. he will push his little way between me and his father like he has to be apart of the love. but with the good there the bad when ever me and his dad argue  he starts crying and if he in the other room he'll run out to see what going on like he has to protect one of us it break my heart so if i raise my once at all he breaks down and cry. over all he mommy little sour patch kid 

motherhood the frist year

This past year i had a lot to learn and stubbled and a few time failed learning how to help a little one discover this world is hard and tiring work expestionally when that child doesn't want to sleep because he doesn't want to miss a thing. Seeing this boy of mine grow has been bitter sweet i love seeing him discover and learn but the more he learn the less he needs me and he has his momma tude soo that mean he going to want to do things on his own rather i'm ready for ir or not and with  that there will be lasts. Seeing him out grow his clothes it like a stab to my heart and a reminder of how big this boy is i mean it a year old and almost half my hight and i'm 5 ft 9 inches like how are you that big already boy. he trying to do things on his own he'll snatch his bottle away like no mom i got this but for now he still like cuddles with mommy before bed. THis past year has been challenging to say the lease but i wouldn't change it for the world. this is boy of mine is going to be a handful that for sure with this post i think this will be my last post for a bit about motherhood. with that said read what you love and watch what you love and do on to other as you wish they do to you 

Baby Boy turns 1 years old

 How is this little boy of mine a year old today how time has flew by for sure. He gotten so big over the past year won't know how big until Friday when he has his one year check up. I never knew how much one person could make me love him and still be drove half crazy all in the same minute. He getting more independent by the day some morning all i have to do is sit him in his little chair and give him a bottle while i fix his oatmeal and he'll sit there with his bottle and yes the tv on momma needs noise if he watch it is another story and no i don't want to hear about how screen time is bad for him. he is watching either booktube guntube or old school kid shows he crawling better before she would lead with is butt kinda like he wasn't going backward but it look like his back end was going faster then his front it was the cutest thing thank god it getting warmer because this boy loves going outside and he has to know what every sound is. but i'm going to have to watch him when it gets warm enough to leave the doors and windows opened. he not always a. happy waker those that i know he gets from me. he started banging his head on doors and walls sometimes just be sitting against the wall playing with something and he'll start banging his head for to reason at all. he also likes going i to my book room and has started wanting cuddles and grabbing my hands while we cuddles before naps and bedtime. he also try to lock us out of the house one day and what i mean by that he was stand at the front door using it to stand so we couldn't open it so that started now but that boy is such a sweet heart. 

10 month update

 little man turns 10 months today i just might cry.  he so close to crawling and he'll walk around his play area using the fence and i swear this little boy is brave and a daredevil if he keeps this up he'll be daddy's little rollercoaster buddy for sure. he babbles so much and with his two bottom teeth. he just a little grumpy bundle for joy. he keeps trying to pull himself up or climb over his play area fence. he even try o pull himself up in his crib. i know it just wishful thinking but it sounds like he says mum mum. he going from agressive noms to agressive kisses. he trysing to pull himself up the other day he almost had it before he fell on his bum. i can't belive he actully did figure out how to pull himself up tho he crying though like he going to war or something but he did it he pulled himself up not once but three times with in a day i'm so pround of him make that four. it feel like every day is something new with this boy 

9 month update

  little man 9 months today... how has it been 9 months since this little guy been brought in to this world i can't believe that at all. he loves bath time still he likes watching the water run out of the faucet. he sarting to hold on to things and standing there for a few seconds and trying to take a step some times and giving his momma a heart attack that for sure his sleep is still hit or miss some nights he does good other nights he up and down but i'm learning to love those late night cuddles. he did so good on thanksgiving he has so much fun with his family i love seeing that he did get scared but a little cuddle from momma and he was fine. he also go a fave blanket i'm hoping the christmas one i got him this month will become a second fave so i can switch them out and watch them every other week. with that said he doing good would love him to sleep though the night but it is what it is happy holidays and hold your love one close this hoiday season 

mental health update

 hey readers, if you been here fort long you know I've struggle with my mental health for years between everything growing up my trauma started early but I'm trying to break that cycle with my boy and I've done my best to cut my father out of my life I haven't seen or heard from him since my son was a week and half old. with that said there are days that are harder then others I still have days where I get overwhelmed because I'm tired and my son fighting me at every turn but I'm learning how to step away take a few deep breaths and then come back to it it might take a bunch of round of this but at some point he gets it and things calm down. I'm still on meds for everything but at this point I've accepted that and going to therapy every few months. With all that said I am getting better and I hope everyone is doing well and just remember to take it one day at a time 

8 month update

 man this little one of mine is 8 months old today he growing so fast he still doesn't sleep though the night and the time change doesn't help with that we are down to most days 2 naps one in the morning and one in the evenings. as long as the weather permits we been doing family walks and taking him to different parks when we can. he doing good thinking teeth are going to show up any day now he able to sit on his own for longer periods of time and is spoiled rotten but I love the little guy he been laughing up a storm the pass few days and just wants to be on the go gotta watch him in his walker he'll run you over if you're not paying attention. he trying to crawl and everything at once it not even funny he loves swings and we try to have him on a slide he seemed okay with that and he an eating machine. with that said he doing good momma tired but doing good and dada well he is just going with the flow of life. keep on reading 

7 months update

 Hello readers

*sigh* I  can't believe little man turns 7 months today. his sleep is getting better down to 1 or 2 wake up during the night and the first one is normally from his rolling on his tummy and getting uncomfortable and can't find the right spot to get comfy normally just rolling him on his back and a quick kiss goodnight and he out until 1-3 a.m. where he like mommy I need a snack and some cuddles then after about an hour he out again until 5-7 a.m. and it breakfast time where he either get oatmeal or peanut butter oatmeal and formula. then it play time and maybe a story followed by some more cuddles before naptime and then more food and maybe a walk if weather permits follow by more play time and if story time didn't happen before the first nap it happens then which follow by more cuddles and  another nap. once he gets up from this nap it play time and more stories and then around 5:30 p.m. I'll feed him his dinner then after that it time to get ready for his bath then we finish our day with a kid friendly move and cuddles and once he asleep mom starts dinner for her and daddy and start the daily cleaning of what i haven't got to during naps if i got time another movie that more adulty and some reading then shower time and off to bed with some sleepy time tea and a book until that first wake up then back to bed for mommy and  hopefully some sleep before the second wake up. that my day so far kind of it doesn't always look like that but that a general outline of my day at 7 months he rolls so much it not funny I started calling him rolly polly oilly as well as a bunch other nicknames that will embarrass him when he a teenager. He doing good so far he likes veggies more the fruits and might be allergic to peaches going to have to get that checked out not sure on that because there other factory for the little rash on his back when that happened. I just don't know what i would do with out my little guy. with that said have a wonderful day and read what you love and if you have kids (or pets) hold them close 

becoming a mother

 As I said in my coming back post I'm a mother now my little guy just turned 5 months old. he a little cutie but the first few months was hard on me. I know it taboo to talk negatively about motherhood, but at that time I was in a negative head space. I had a hard time getting pregnant to start with we had started back in 2019 to have a baby so come 2023 I had given up hope in a way to ever becoming a mom after all I even went back to work I was starting to focus on myself more and make this house as cozy as I could for a gamer and book lover. Then A lot of family stuff happen that I may talk about in another post I'm not sure at this moment one step at a time. So when September came around and I was feeling run down and sick all the time I thought okay just for shit and giggles I'll take a test just to get that question out of the way so the night before my 31st birthday I found out I had a little baby in me this life was growing in side me and had been for over two months. 

It amazing to think about everything thing that had happen with in those two months had how badly I took care of myself but I can't go back and changed that now. so not long after finding out I was pageant we found out I had high blood pressure along with other medical issues with the pregnancy. Again I don't want to go in to to much details right now again maybe in a future post I'll tell my pregnancy story but my goal with this post is just a brief post about how motherhood has been for me so far with that said. Those medical issues made where I had to have my little man early I won't go in to details again that can be for another post lets just say for over 24 hours I was in labor and it had stop at one point and I had to call it and ended up having a C-section.

with all that I had my little man my son was here and as soon as I heard his little cry I knew he was here and I told Jarrod to go to him make sure he was okay even though Jarrod was worry about me. My mind was on that little boy. in the hospital I was find a little upset with staff at time but I try to make the best and get out there as fast as I could. Once I got the clear and my baby could leave I was ready to go, but three days of little to no sleep, and stress caught up to me when we got home and my mental health went down hill and fast I thought I was the worst mom in the world I tried breastfeeding and it was hard Isaac wouldn't latch I was so out of it I could get the pump I got from the hospital to work so I was hand pumping and that another mess once again that for a later post if I feel up to talking about. 

I was denoised with postpartum depression and anxiety and ended up on a low does of medication ( that I still take). They had to up it once and I started talk therapy and saw a physiocratic ( not sure that spelled right) as of this week I had my last talk therapy section for the time being and the end of the month I see my other therapist mental I'm better I'm not contently worry about every little things if something comes up I might goggle it or I make a note of it for Isaac's doctors. I can look at my son and smile and laugh with out worry and if he crying I can take a breath and figure it out. I'm still not the best at telling his cries apart but I'm learning he growing and getting big.

over all for me it started off hard and at times I didn't think I was cut out for the motherhood life but with that said now I'm enjoying it yes it hard at time and my little man fight sleep most of the times but once he asleep it looks like the sweets little angel and I don't want to put him to bed but I got so I can take care of the house and myself. He so cute and yes I know I'm his mom I'm going to say that no matter what but he is and his smile I could gush about my little boy all day so with that said I'll leave you with this have a wonderful day or night and if you have children or even pets show them some love. 

I'm Back

 Well last time I wrote I was overwhelmed with work YouTube and life now I'm still overwhelmed but in different was it strange how much things can changed in a little over a year huh? Now I'm a stay at home mom who just trying to find a few minutes in her day to fit in a few pages in her day. So what happen since I last posted?

1.I ended up stopping YouTube between work redoing my library and camera/ memory card problems I was getting to stress and I needed to step away and with life now editing would be hard anyhow. 

2. I've changed my job title for family reasons I'll get in to in the next point 

3. I'm a mom since march of this year. I've got my son who was born in march (earlier then plan). No he wasn't fully planed but he such a cutie and brings so much joy to my life.

With those things said  I'm not sure how often I'll be posting again but I'll try to update this once a week with what I'm reading and watching along with maybe motherhood updates  

with that said have a wonderful day or night and read what you love...